you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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