Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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