then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
