bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
