pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want her autograph on my taint
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
