I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
