4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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