Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
