she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
