I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
