I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
