someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
