yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We have started to decorate penises.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize