Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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