is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
