You can't motorboat a personality
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize