So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What a dumb baby whore.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
