I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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