what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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