I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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