God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
