my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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