Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
