i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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