the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
