So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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