i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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