Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
