Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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