the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
