You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
