whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
