Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
