omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
