A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
