i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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