I want to make a zoo with you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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