So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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