Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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