Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
