I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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