I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
