his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Did you just see the Batmobile???
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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