I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
