Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
