You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
