I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
