That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
