I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
