Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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