Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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