i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
