dude i'm inner monologue high
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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