Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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