Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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