i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
