i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize