I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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