This is not my ceiling
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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