theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
