Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
