Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
