What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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