Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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