when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize