i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
