I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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