I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
